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Monday, October 18, 2010


Thank you for all the wonderful comments. They have lifted a heart that was in dire need of some uplifting. Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes. I feel so loved and so blessed. I think I have the greatest friends and family in the whole universe...ever in existence.....ever.


These two boy are what get me through the day lately. I sure do love them. I mean, those smiles are just to die for.
My little man makes me smile every hour at least. Probably multiple times actually. I love how curious he is. I can't wait to watch him grow and learn more everyday. I am so lucky.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Our Loss

Right now Joe and I are feeling a huge loss. Wednesday I went it for our 12 week checkup for the baby. They couldn't find the heartbeat with the sonogram, so we went it for the scheduled ultrasound like normal. I wasn't too worried, but had a knot in the pit of my stomach, like I knew something wasn't right.When the ultrasound started I knew at once that the baby was gone. I saw a perfect, little, two inch baby, with little arms and legs, a little spinal cord and it was all so perfect, but...there was no heartbeat. I knew this instantly. The tech left to get a second opinion. She came back in and looked for a good 10 minutes, but I knew what they were going to tell me already. Finally the doctor came in, and told me he was sorry, but the baby was gone. There was no heartbeat. I cried. Dallin got scared and the nurse took him out. The Doctor told me there were two options. I could take some medicine to help me pass the baby, but with how large the baby already was he was worried that I wouldn't pass it all naturally and that they still would find some residue left behind. My other option was to have surgery, a DNC to remove everything cleanly and to be sure I could conceive again was almost a 100% certainty.

I left the office with those two options in mind. I was alone and Dallin was crying. I had to call Joe and tell him the horrible news. It was awful. Neither one of us knew what to do.

I got a blessing from Joe and dear friend. I knew what to do and I felt at peace with it. I went in for surgery yesterday morning. Everything went well. I have been in a lot of pain, cramping and lots of physical discomfort, but it is getting better and better each hour. I grieve this baby, but I know and Joe knows that it will all be fine. I struggled with feeling like it was my fault, but that too is subsiding and I know that things like this just happen. You can't explain it, but then again, you don't have to. I have faith in the gospel and know that everything is going to be fine. I wasn't expecting this to happen, but I take a lot of comfort in knowing what I know. Families are forever and the gospel is true. I felt this baby, I felt it's spirit. I don't know that I will ever raise this baby some day, I don't know how all that will play out, but I do know one thing. That I was privileged enough to carry this sweet spirit for 12 weeks and I am thankful for that.

I think until you experience something like this, you don't realize just how hard it is. But my Savior did experience this, and He does know. I can turn to Him in everything and He is there for me now.

I am so thankful for a wonderful husband and a wonderful family. I love all my friends and the wonderful support they all have been. I am blessed, truly blessed.

If I have learned anything from this experience it is this....Love. I have felt it, pure and undefiled from my Father in Heaven, My Savior and all my family and friends. I am so thankful.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Our stressful journey To California

Me infront of the hotel I would have loved!!! to stay at, The Hotel Del Coronado on Coronado Island.( I don't know what I am doing here though...haha)

Joe and I at the beach in front of Hotel.

Wow! Things have been super crazy around here. With the business, a new pregnancy, a crazy 18 month old and house troubles we have had our hands full. I realized just last week that I never wrote about our family vacation in August or about Joe's 28th birthday. Shame on me! I will first write and post pictures about our vacation. I think I will have to put these into a few posts as a lot happened and I don't want to upload a bazillion pictures to one post. So let's start with our arrival and journey to California.

As always, I didn't pack until the night before. Not always a good idea, but that's me. I use almost everything that I would take with me in the suitcase, so I always figure that it is easier to just pack the night before. As always, things were a little hectic in the morning. We planned to leave at 9 am and we made our goal. I was so proud of myself! With a toddler sometimes things can take longer than planned, but I was good and stayed on schedule. However, Dallin decided to throw our plans to the fan. Bless his little heart, but not more than 30 minutes into the drive our little guy threw up all over the place. It got all over the car, all over him, all over his car seat and last but not least, all over his doggie, that he must have for naps and for sleeping.

Joe quickly turned around to head back home. That 30 minute drive seemed like forever as Dallin threw up one more time. I tried in vain to keep it all contained, that wasn't what happened at all. Poor guy was not feeling well and was now covered in vomit. I too was now covered and felt like I might puke from the smell. I prayed we would make it back before anymore vomit could come. I felt just awful for him. We finally got home, got Dallin cleaned up and down for a nap. Joe and I washed the car, his carseat, his doggie and his blanket. We had to wait awhile for it all to dry. Dallin soon woke up from his nap and we got all packed up again. We were now 3 hours behind and knew there was no way we would make it to California today. We decided to stop for sure at aunt Margies. We were glad we did. We got to go to Michelle's baby boy's blessing and see Margie.

We headed out the next morning. So far Dallin hadn't thrown up again, but alas, we were too soon hopeful. He threw up just into the drive, but lucky for us, we were able to clean it up and keep it contained rather easily. I sat in the back with Dallin and made sure he was okay the rest of the way. Then traffic got horrific!!! We came to a complete stop just an hour outside of Las Vegas. I mean a complete stop. No one had told us about the awful traffic going into L.A. on Sunday morning. I mean, NO ONE warned us. We had no idea how awful it would be. After 2 hours of not moving, Joe decided to get off and blow some steam. We were right by the outlets, so we stopped to give Dallin a breather. Poor guys was sick, and cooped up in a hot sticky car. After an hour of a break we thought that maybe the traffic had improved.

We were soooo wrong. After 4 more hours in stop and go traffic, it started to pick up. It was the oddest thing, it just started moving after 6 hours of not moving. Joe and I decided it was all those California drivers who don't know how to just give someone some tail room. They ride each others butts like there is a fire behind them or something. We finally get into the area we are supposed to be in and it is 10 pm. WE were exhausted, Dallin was being super patient and was now sleeping. We got the GPS out to find our hotel. We started heading up a Canyon....What??? I had Joe double check the coordinates and double check. I was so confused. As we headed deeper and deeper into nowhere, I really started to get worried. We wound up a very narrow canyon. I think I almost threw up a couple times it was so scary. Thank goodness Dallin was asleep. After an hour of driving up the canyon it finally evened out and we could see lights ahead. We were litereally in the middle of nowhere, but we did find out hotel.

It was sure out in the boonies, but it was beautful. We checked in and got into our room. It was huge, spacious and very nice. Joe and I were elated. After a long, stressful journey, it was nice to arrive in such a lovely place. Dallin was put down for the night and cleaned up. He was zonked out before I could even say I love you. Needless to say I as hoping that after that awful trip that our vacation would be less stressful and filled with fun. Well, it was filled with fun....but not void of more stess. I will fill you in on the rest tomorrow.....

Joe and Dallin on the grounds of the condo we stayed at. Literally in the middle of nowhere it is it's own little oasis of fun.