Today I have been thinking alot about you. I knew this day was coming, and I honestly didn't know it would be so hard. Today you would have been born and this thought has not left me since I awoke this morning. I have felt alot of comfort since loosing you, but somehow today, that comfort does little to keep me from feeling sad. As I write this I have your little face in my mind, or what I think you would have looked like. I have thought about you alot today. I think about your ultrasound, when I saw your little arms and legs growing, and I saw your little heart not beating.
Sometimes I feel so lonely for you. I long to feel another little spirit growing inside of me and I know that soon that day will come. I have shed many tears for you today my little one. I did love you, and I think you loved me too. I know you were only with me for 12 weeks, but I felt that little spirit of yours and I miss it dearly. I think I grieve for what could have been, the little hands I could have kissed, and the little cheeks I could have stroked. I grieve the lost moments of awe at your learning and your growth. I grieve the lost memories that will never be here on this earth. I grieve the things that can not be here, at least for now.
Your big brother slept in late today, he never sleeps late. I wonder if he knew that I would struggle on this morning and so he gave me time to cope. I walked into his room this morning and snuggled him while he slept. I thought of how you would have brought him such joy also. He would have loved you so much. WE all would have loved you so much.
I just wanted to write you to let you know I didn't forget you. I will never forget you my little one. I will always remember this day as the day you would have come to me. As the day our lives would have doubled in love and joy. I know your spirit is waiting, maybe waiting for the day we can see each other someday, face to face. I would love that. Then I can finally kiss you and tell you how much I love you as I have wanted to do since the day I lost you.
Just so you know, your mommy loves you and has you always in her heart.
Your big brother slept in late today, he never sleeps late. I wonder if he knew that I would struggle on this morning and so he gave me time to cope. I walked into his room this morning and snuggled him while he slept. I thought of how you would have brought him such joy also. He would have loved you so much. WE all would have loved you so much.
I just wanted to write you to let you know I didn't forget you. I will never forget you my little one. I will always remember this day as the day you would have come to me. As the day our lives would have doubled in love and joy. I know your spirit is waiting, maybe waiting for the day we can see each other someday, face to face. I would love that. Then I can finally kiss you and tell you how much I love you as I have wanted to do since the day I lost you.
Just so you know, your mommy loves you and has you always in her heart.
6 comments:
Heather...that is so sweet and touching. I am thinking of you!
Heather, That is a such a tender tribute to your baby. Thanks for posting it. I hope you feel comfort and love from our Heavenly Father
Oh heather, this makes me cry. Hugs and prayers from us.
My dear beloved daughter, your tender words reach right into my soul. The kind of sorrow this experience brings makes me so grateful we are together forever. All of us. No one forgotten. I wonder at what Christ must have felt carrying the sorrow of mothers everywhere who carry a child for a time but not to birth. The victory over the grave will someday be the victory over sorrow for us. I love you.
Thank you for the kind comments. Judy I love you too. I know you know exactly what this feels like, because you have felt it too. I am so glad you are my mother also. I love you:)
That was so sweet. It brought tears to my eyes. Thinking of yout!
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